Unexplained List: UFL to NFL

10) McLeod Bethel-Thompson
9) Nick Novak
8) Quintin Demps

7) Josh Johnson
6) Graham Gano
5) Matt Bryant
4) Jim Fassel(‘s son)
3) Josh McCown
2) Steven Hauschka
1) Sean McVay

UFL Update: Tim Rattay

Okay, this isn’t really an update as much as a thing I just learned about former Las Vegas Locomotives quarterback Tim Rattay. Years before his UFL career, he was drafted to the 49ers with the 212th overall pick. Nine quarterbacks went before him.

What’s notable, though, is he was almost the 199th pick in his draft class. With six quarterbacks already off the board, the next team was staring at two names. Rattay seemed like the clear choice, but assistant coach Dick Rehbein was making a fuss about a mostly unimpressive but hard working kid from the University of Michigan.


Did I mention this was the 2000 draft? And had he been drafted at 199, Rattay would have had to fight for the starting job with future Frankfurt Galaxy player Michael Bishop, and the existing starter, who, at-the-time, was highest paid player of all time.

Who knows if by week 2 of the 2001 season, Rattay would have moved up past Bishop to #2 on the depth chart, so when QB Moneybags got decked by Mo Lewis, Rattay would have begun one of the most prolific careers of any professional athlete?

But we’ll never know, since Rehbein got his way when the New England Patriots drafted Tom Brady instead.

Also, Tim Rattay kind of sucks, so no, he wouldn’t have had Brady’s career.

UFL Update: Holy Fuck, They're Gone

The 2012 UFL season has been suspended. Having not lost a single game, the Locos are champions, again.

Hey, at least the Nighthawks came in second. Go Omaha.

That is all.

UFL Update: Holy Fuck, They're Back!

After last season's fiasco, I have to admit, I haven't even thought of the UFL since the Destroyers unseated the Locos as reigning champions. Turns out, the 2012 season starts TOMORROW. Right now, there is very little I can tell you since UFL's web site isn't even up right now.

For now, all I can do is get you up to speed. In 2009, four teams with ridiculous names -- Redwoods, Sentinels, Locomotives, and Tuskers -- formed yet another professional football league trying to exist in an NFL dominated world. This one wasn't created by the guy who created professional wrestling, wasn't played by women in lingerie, wasn't played indoors, and wasn't in Canada. This one's goal was to bring football to smaller markets, even though the teams covered California, New York, and Florida.

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UFL Update: Schedule CORRECTION

I take the accuracy of my writing very seriously, which is why the UFL is on my shit list (for now, I can't stay mad at them). When I posted a few weeks ago about UFL games being played at 4am, I swear it's because that is what the UFL web site said. The times were all in AM, and they were all in EDT. Now, it would seem, the web site finally has more clearly reasonable times.

Except for a few late afternoon weekend games, all games will be played roughly 7:00 PM, local time. That kind of sucks for Virginia fans who will have to wait until 10 PM when the Destroyers go to Sacramento and Vegas.

So yeah, sorry about that, UFL. Your schedule seems fair enough, and not laughably ridiculous, like I thought.

UFL Update: 2011 Schedule, Again

If anyone put money on the NFL lock-out being a huge windfall for the UFL, they are now probably running from loan sharks. The uncertainty behind the NFL deal made it so hard to secure TV deals, the UFL seems to be grasping for air as it announces it's almost embarrassing new 2011 season. 

This just means now, more than ever, people need to support the United Football League. They are at the mercy of the bigger fish. All they're trying to do is spread quality football to the smaller markets around the country. This time last year, Des Moines saw a glimmer of hope that they could host honest to God pro football. Having fallen back to where they were two seasons ago, I'd say we'd be lucky if the league finished this season, let alone had a fourth. Before I get into it, let me just say, keep checking back in here or go to www.ufl-football.com to keep updated on where you can watch the games. But onto the hilarious schedule...

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UFL Update: Colonials Cooked

They haven't played a single game yet, and already this UFL season is about a million, billion times more exciting than last. This time in 2010, the UFL was full of hope and they added a franchise and relocated two. The league was abuzz with talks of expanding their little, 5-franchise organize to maybe 8, and expanding into markets that never dreamed of hosting professional football. Now, the league right back where it started, with just 4 teams. Not even the great Jerry Glanville could stop the league from taking down the Hartford Colonials, at least for this season.

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UFL Update: Just Kidding

So hey, remember when I said the UFL season was going to start mid-August, so they wouldn't have to embarrass themselves again by playing their Championship game noon the Saturday after Thanksgiving? Oh, you don't, because you don't really care? Oh, just click that link.

Apparently with the NFL and NBA lock-outs, the UFL is having trouble securing television rights, so they're pushing the season indefinitely to some time in mid-September. Great, now I have to change the clock on the side bar.

UFL Update: 2011 Season Announced

This has been an exciting off-season for this scrappy professional football league. The looming NFL lock-out made it seem like this could be the year the United Football League actually becomes a real thing.

Not only did that not happen, but the league failed in its major goal of expanding the league to eight teams. Just when it seemed like they might gain a sixth team, the Florida Tuskers folded. I'm a little miffed I don't have those ridiculous assholes to mock anymore, but I'll get over it. Two-time champion Las Vegas Locomotives now remain the only one of the original franchises to survive the league.

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UFL Update: Marty Schottenheimer?

You heard me. Legendary NFL Coach Marty Schottenheimer will now take the helm of the Virginia Destroyers.

We all got a good chuckle when the Destroyers announced some corporate guy was going to be their head coach. Now that guy's off to Omaha. I laughed my ass off when the Tuskers folded and moved their entire organization to Hampton Roads. Now Jay Gruden's coaching for the Bengals.

Or is he?

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UFL Update: Shit's Still Happening

During the off-season, I go to the UFL web site, just in case something happens.Today that obsessive behavior was vindicated. It turns out a lot happened this week.

1) The Florida Tuskers are no more - The franchise folded, and good riddance to them. Florida simply did not need more football teams. Now my only worry is I don't have a UFL team to hate. It sort of sucks for the league, though; so much for an 8 team league. Really sucks for Joe Theismann. What a way to squander millions of dollars.

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UFL Update: Championship Time!

I was a little busy visiting friends, so I missed most of the game. You can't really blame me. The game was on at noon on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. It's like they didn't want anyone to watch. No one even showed up to the game. The people of Omaha filled Rosenblatt stadium for all four Nighthawk home games, but for the Championship, they stayed home. I understand the league has to work around the NCAA, but come on. Noon Eastern is bad enough, but it's 9AM Pacific. The Saturday after Thanksgiving, most west coast sports fans are asleep.

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UFL Update: Week 10, Regular Season's Over Already

As fun as it is to make predictions and rank pre-maturely, at the end of the season, all that matters are the teams at the top in the end. The Nighthawks may have come out strong early on, but if a team can't maintain for 10 weeks, it doesn't really matter. It would be easy to blame their downfall on Garcia's injury, but the Locos and Tuskers managed to improve their play following a quarterback injury.

Until Daunte Culpepper sat out the end of the Mountain Lions blow out against Omaha, he was the only quarterback to take every snap for the entire season. The consistency paid off, and the team who was almost always at the bottom of the ranking and 2-4 going into Week 7 went into the final week a heart-beat away from the Championship. The other side of the coin is Hartford. I criticized Chris Palmer's decision to maintain an artificial offensive rotation between QBs Josh McCown and Ryan Perrilloux, but it turns out his focus isn't on winning games. Makes sense for the last place team. Palmer's goal is to give his players play time and enough film to wow an NFL scout. That's noble, but which team is going to get more NFL attention, the first place or last place team?

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UFL Update: Week 9, What Happened to Omaha?

The last four weeks could not have been more different than the first five. In week 5, Omaha won their third game of four, Sacramento lost to Vegas 26-3, and Florida was middling in the middle of the pack. It seems the only consistency throughout is that Hartford sucks. Last year, when they were the New York Sentinels, they went 0-6 for the season, so I guess 2 wins is an improvement. Maybe if they move to Vermont next season, they'll break 50%. Now Omaha can't even beat Sacramento, Sacramento's finishing 4-4 having beaten Vegas, and Florida's averaging over 30 points per win. If you want to see my hyper-over-analysis, you can, but suffice to say, I was right. The entire season's coming down to the first game next week, Tuskers at Omaha. Omaha can't make it to the Championship, but they can control everything. With a win, they force a 3-way tie, and the advantage goes to Sacramento. If they lose, Florida pulls out ahead and goes to the Championship. But I'm getting ahead of myself. This is what happened this week.

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UFL Update: Welcome Virginia Destroyers

All the votes are in, and the good people of Virginia have finally picked a team name: Virginia Destroyers.

It was touch and go there for a while. The same good people actually considered naming the team the Hampton Roads Whatevers, instead of the Virginia Whatevers. I know they're aiming for small markets, but let's stick to small markets people have heard of. This will be the state of Virginia's first professional sports team, just let the whole state have it.

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UFL Update: Week 8, Everyone's Still Alive

The league seems intent on framing the last three weeks ostensibly as play-offs. As close as the season is, it's no wonder. Going into this week, all 5 teams have a chance to make it to the Championship. I've already talked this scenario to death, but now that the UFL has announced tie-breaking procedures, the picture is finally clear. Locos are in. Nighthawks need 2 wins to clinch. Tuskers need 3 straight to clinch. Mountain Lions and Colonials each need to win both of their remaining games to stay in it, and both could fair pretty well in a tie-breaker. This time last season, there were only 4 teams and one of them was already out of contention. It's no 5-way tie, but it's still totally exciting.

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UFL Update: Week 7, Locos March On

With a bye in both weeks 5 and 7, it seems that in these crucial weeks, when every commentator's making their picks for the championships, last year's 6-0 Tuskers are simply a non-factor. They haven't won a game since week 4, when they scored a season high 33 points against Hartford, and since then they lost to the Mountain Lions for the second time. Going into this week, they sat in the middle of the pack, making their story mostly irrelevant. The Nighthawks were playing to overtake the Locos for first, while the Colonials were playing for that last gasp of air before they're officially out of Championship contention. While we're at it, can I just say that if somehow it comes down to the Mountain Lions or Tuskers in a tie, I hope their head-to-head record counts the most. How can Florida be better than Sacramento when they can't even beat them?

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UFL Update: Week 6, I Actually Watched a Game

Up until now, I've been writing purely from internet research. I read the coverage, look at the stats, but that really is no way to appreciate a football league. This week, Versus streamed the live feed from their UFL broadcast. As I'm writing this, it's the beginning of the fourth quarter. By the time I finish writing, I will know the outcome of the game. Right now, it's 14-13, Locos. More on that later. I watched an Arena Football game once, and being able to hear the coaches and the quarterbacks sort of bothered me. Going in, I was unsure how I'd feel about it here, and I have to say, the UFL broadcasts handle it a hell of a lot better. We only hear the coaches feed after the plays, and we get nice little touches like Locos coach Jim Fassel covering up his mouth while he calls the play. So adorable, he thinks we can't hear him. It's also pretty cool to hear coaches yell at players and find out a QB called a time out because he had no clue what play he was supposed to run.

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UFL Update: Week 5, Half Way Already

My 5-way tie dreams seem to have been put on hold for a while.  If this isn't the only place you read about UFL Football, you'll hear everyone talking about how every team's still in it. While it may be true only 2 games separate first and last place, the Nighthawks and Locomotives have shown they can do something most other teams can't -- win on the road. Out of the first 8 games, only 3 visiting teams have won, all 3 match-ups involving this week's bye, the Tuskers. I'm not going to go as far as saying this year's Championship teams will be Omaha and Vegas, both teams won on the road this week, and as far as I'm concerned that makes their dominance a matter of team supremacy, not just luck of the math.

Game 1: Imagine a Real Locomotive Playing Against Some Mountain Lions 26-3

At the half, the score was 9-3. At the end of the third quarter, the score was 9-3. I would say at this point, the Mountain Lions simply forgot where they were, or perhaps they just forgot how to play football. For a while I've been on the fence about who my home team is. Sacramento's in my home state, but Vegas is a lot closer. Hell, I've been to Vegas several times, but I just can't bring myself to drag my ass to my state's capital. I would say a 17-0 fourth quarter in a home game just about clinches it. Daunte Culpepper excited me enough to lean me toward Sacramento, but after a UFL record 4 interceptions in one game, I dare say, despite their ridiculous name, the Locos are my boys.

Game 2: Nighthawks Swoop Past Colonials 19-14

Looking at Hartford's stats and their record only makes me wonder how the Colonials would do against, say, the Buffalo Bills. They've already played Omaha twice, and last time the score was 27-26. Hartford's defense kept this game as close as it was, but Omaha's defense forced 3 interceptions. Maybe if the franchise was more focused, they'd pull something together. This week, they organized a pre-game Revolutonary War re-enactment and named their mascot Colonial Tom, after CT founder Thomas Hooker. At least they've got their priorities straight.

So there you have it. Already at the half way mark, the UFL has delivered some genuinely interesting football. Some of these teams can really play. I sort of want to see some exhibition games between these guys and some lower tier NFL teams. Until then, all we have to look forward to is Virginia's new name. It should be official by next week.

UFL Update: Week 4, Seriously, Anything Can Happen

Before I get into this week's ridiculous turn of events, I want to talk about something totally unrelated. For reasons I cannot fully understand, Betty Boop loves the UFL. I am referring to the cartoon character, yes. She is all over UFL merch. Without any sort of explanation, they call her their virtual cheerleader and put her on all kinds of stuff. What is the connection between Betty Boop and small time football? I have absolutely no clue, and I'm sure if I found the answer it would only confuse me further.

Game 1: Locos Down the Nighthawks 22-10

Just when it looked like the new upstarts would dominate the league, Omaha showed the strongest part of their team could just be their fans. For the first two weeks, the people of Omaha turned out in droves to scream and yell holes into every defense to come to town. In their first road game, Jeff Garcia found out what a game outside Nebraska feels like. Locos' defense racked up 3 turnovers, and in general got right up in Garcia's face. The score could have been higher had it not been for the Nighthawks' solid red zone coverage. Before October's through, these two teams will face again on Nighthawks' turf, and we'll just see how much that Omaha crowd makes a difference.

Game 2: Florida Rams Hartford 33-20

Holy crap, 33 points?!?!?! That's like a real football score. Last year's dominant team seems to finally have found its stride. By all measurable standards, the Colonials should be the team to beat. They pounced Sacramento week 1, and took the Nighthawks within one point week 2. Looks like while Hartford spent their bye week studying everyone else, Florida, whose owner is now Joe Thiesmann, spent the time figuring out their 2-QB offense. After a 13-13 tie in the third quarter, the Tuskers stripped the ball from Ryan Perrilloux and Josh McCown in two back-to-back possessions. From there it was all Brooks Bollinger and his gigantic douche bag.

So there you have it. Going into week 5, the Tuskers have a 2-2 record and a bye. Nighthawks and Locos are 2-1, and Colonials and Mountain Lions are 1-2. Next week Hartford and Sacramento are playing at home, and if they win, everyone will be 2-2. It's no wonder the league is looking for fans to start thinking of tie-breaker scenarios. I've even annoyed myself talking about 5-way ties, but it's going to happen, I think.