Losers in Brief: Losing Our Damn Minds
(part 13 of 12, bonus entry)
Since 1789, 117 men and 2 women have won at least one electoral vote. Of that group, 71 never became President or Vice President. Of them, 31 were a bunch of ambitious losers who tried for the most powerful office in the country and failed. The other 40, you’ll have to read to find out. These are their stories.
Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton (Former Secretary of State, Democrat-IL) Lost to Trump-2016
So why’d she lose? People fucking HATE her. It's almost absurd, the level of hate, unless you happen to also hate her, in which case is seems perfectly rational. During the election, I tried to refer to her as an expert in foreign policy, and I was told her foreign policy experience doesn't count because Secretary of State isn't an elected office. WHAT!?!?!?!? Obama had Wall Street folks in his cabinet, but apparently getting paid to give speeches made her more corrupt than every other politician who are also getting paid to give speeches to Wall Street. Not to mention her opponent was literally a Wall Street guy, so why the fuck does it matter? It matters because people fucking HATE her.
Keep Reading >>
Since 1789, 117 men and 2 women have won at least one electoral vote. Of that group, 71 never became President or Vice President. Of them, 31 were a bunch of ambitious losers who tried for the most powerful office in the country and failed. The other 40, you’ll have to read to find out. These are their stories.
Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton (Former Secretary of State, Democrat-IL) Lost to Trump-2016
 Clinton had been in the national public eye since her husband ran for president 24 years before. She spent eight years in the White House advising the president. She parlayed her visibility into a successful New York Senate run. After six years serving her state, championing Democratic causes and leading in the Senate after 9/11, the people of her state re-elected her, knowing she intended to run for president two years later. After losing the 2008 primary, she was appointed Secretary of State, where she earned international respect as our chief diplomat. To recap, that's 8 years in an elected office of the legislative branch and 12 years in appointed and unappointed positions in the executive branch. Combined with a JD from Yale, she is basically the walking embodiment of all three branches of the federal government. |
So why’d she lose? People fucking HATE her. It's almost absurd, the level of hate, unless you happen to also hate her, in which case is seems perfectly rational. During the election, I tried to refer to her as an expert in foreign policy, and I was told her foreign policy experience doesn't count because Secretary of State isn't an elected office. WHAT!?!?!?!? Obama had Wall Street folks in his cabinet, but apparently getting paid to give speeches made her more corrupt than every other politician who are also getting paid to give speeches to Wall Street. Not to mention her opponent was literally a Wall Street guy, so why the fuck does it matter? It matters because people fucking HATE her.
Keep Reading >>
Labels: Losers, Politics, presidents
posted by Daroff at
11:58 PM
1 Comments
In 2004, George W. Bush was wildly unpopular. In the few years since 9/11, Bush’s overly aggressive foreign policy turned almost universal support for the War on Terror into world-wide backlash against American imperialism. Before the election, it had become public knowledge that the administration outright lied about Saddam Hussein having weapons of mass destruction in order to manipulate the country into war with Iraq. For a moment, it seemed like a trained monkey would beat “Dubya” this go ‘round.
Dukakis presided over an unlikely boom in MA’s economy. He beat out Democratic heavy hitters like Jesse Jackson, Al Gore, Dick Gephardt, and Joe Biden for the nomination. His campaign capitalized on Bush’s greatest weakness, Dan Quayle. Dukakis’s running mate Lloyd Bentsen slammed Quayle with the now classic, “You’re no Jack Kennedy” line.
Stevenson was Truman’s hand-picked successor. His friends dragged him kicking and screaming into the race, but everyone knew he was the man to carry the New Deal torch.
In 1934 every Republican Gubernatorial candidate lost, except for Alf Landon. He was a rare Progressive Republican. His platform was almost unrealistically practical: the New Deal rocks but I can do it without the wasteful spending and wide-spread repression of personal liberty. History likes to white-wash how totalitarian Roosevelt was, and Landon wasn’t even trying to take him down. He was just trying to pull it back a little.
Unlike the shallow minded commander-in-chief, Davis was a well-read, intelligent man who modeled his life after his idol, Thomas Jefferson. He wanted to be like Jefferson in every way, except for bedding slaves and writing about the smell of black people (
Hughes blasted onto the scene, defeating none other than William Randolph Hearst to win the Governorship of New York, despite no other Republican winning a single other seat in the entire state. Another on TR’s short list of cool dudes, Hughes carried the Progressive banner onto the Supreme Court, and when it came time to take down Wilson, Hughes was the obvious choice.
Like a whirlwind, Bryan single-handedly re-molded the Democratic party in his image with fiery speeches that left the country entranced. Although he saw diminishing returns each time he ran, he would eventually become Secretary of State. And he was awful. 
Tilden rose to power in New York by rooting out corruption. When he saw people getting screwed, he did something about it. After scandal rocked the Grant White House, Tilden seemed like the dream solution. He was exactly the kind of strong, moral leader the country could rely on to restore faith in the Executive branch.
A few months before the election, Lincoln was certain he was going to lose. He had removed McClellan from command over the entire army, and things were still not going well. Still seen as a military hero, McClellan had the balls to stand ardently for the rights of slave holders, locking up the Southern vote.
In 1814, Scott became a general at 27-years-old. Think about what you were doing at 27. He was already promoted to brigadier general, and that was only the first of many wars he served in. Two future generals and an admiral would be named after him, and in 1861, he became only the second general on a postage stamp. The first was George mother-fucking Washington. Everyone, I mean, everyone, loved him.
This “Great Compromiser” held the Union together just long enough for Abraham Lincoln to be born, grow up, idolize Henry Clay, and save the country. That’s right, Clay was Lincoln’s hero. From the War in 1812 to just before the Civil War, Clay set the tone in Washington and defined the debate. No man tried harder and was more deserving to be president. Look him up. He fucking rules.
On the list of Founding Fathers you’ve never heard of, Pinckney ranks pretty darned high. He was a Brigadier General in the Revolutionary War, Delegate to the Constitutional Convention, and Foreign Ambassador. He was so fucking loved amongst the Founders, that when Washington offered him a choice between Secretary of State or Secretary of War, he picked neither. Badass!
This blog is not to be taken seriously. Seriously. I take this seriously, but you shouldn't. You should do what you want, but you'll probably enjoy this more if you don't take anything I say seriously. I mean, I mean what I say, but it's not serious. Oh also, swearing is hilarious. It shouldn't be, but it is.
