Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Numbers Time: A Statistical Glint

Well, 2016 sucked. My neighbor is unhappy we refused to put up more Christmas lights than just the crappy piece sign I made out of a hula hoop. Sorry, we just don't have the spirit in us this year. As this dumpster fire burns out and we try to convince ourselves the Times Square ball dropping will magically end the horror, let's at least take some time revel in my favorite part of football: math! I love playoff scenarios, even though NFL.com has tried to ruin it by posting the playoff picture way too fucking early. As always, let's start with the fully half of the games that don't fucking matter (much like life in general):

NFC (or No Fucking Chance the Tampa thing happens)

Dallas has a firm grip on first place, and no one can knock the Giants from #5. The other four slots are up for grabs, and not everyone is safe.

This game is so fucking exciting, I'm pissed I'll probably miss it. I hope I can make it to a bar before 8:30. The Lions have quietly climbed to the top of the NFC North, only to be knocked from their spot by a suddenly-not-terrible Packers. The winner of this game wins the division, and depending on the outcome of the other games, the loser could be out completely. The Lions could even score a first-round bye with a win.

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Sunday, November 27, 2016

Numbers Time: 49 and Brown

It's a sad day in Mudville. The 0-12 Cleveland Browns and 1-10 San Francisco 49ers have been eliminated from playoff contention.

UPDATE 12/4/16 - Jags are out too.

UPDATE 12/5/16 - Not a good week to be a shitty team starting with the letter J. The Jets are also out. Fuck the Jets. (sorry Mike, fuck the Jets)

UPDATE 12/11/16 - Lions and Rams and Bears, oh my. Guess which of those three is still in contention. Also, can we talk about how the Lions are the head of their division? Go Detroit.

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Sunday, November 20, 2016

Numbers Time: The Brown Note

This is your weekly reminder the 0-11 Cleveland Browns are still in playoff contention. To be clear, they're still in contention because they still have a shot to win the AFC North.

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Friday, November 11, 2016

Numbers Time: Down in Brown

This is your weekly reminder the 0-10 Cleveland Browns are still in playoff contention.

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Thursday, November 10, 2016

Numbers Time: No Gloating

I've been darting between stages of grief in the last day or so. I wore all black and retreated into a hoodie while triple checking election returns and wondering how the electoral college could flip the result. So I've got Depression and Bargaining covered.

Today, I'm just pissed.

We all have to take responsibility for what happened Tuesday. All of us. Starting with me. I have been saying for months that she was going to lose. History was against her. Not because she's establishment or weak, but because Obama was too liberal, and the country tends not to like that much. I got called cynical and pessimistic for saying it wasn't a lock. But also, I've been a total asshole to a lot of people about it. That's on me. I don't know how to have this conversation. Armed with years of reading, both in school and for fun, I could see something no one else saw, and I wasn't very good at articulating it. When faced with people too rosey or people who thought it was perfectly acceptable to vote for Stein or Johnson, I got nasty and dismissive. As a result, I fed into everything they were already feeling about elitists looking down on them.

I think everyone needs to do the same. Everyone.

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Sunday, November 6, 2016

Numbers Time: It's Brown Time

This is your weekly reminder the 0-9 Cleveland Browns are still in playoff contention.

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Sunday, October 30, 2016

Numbers Time: Talkin 'Bout Brown

This is your weekly reminder the 0-8 Cleveland Browns are still statistically in playoff contention.

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Sunday, October 23, 2016

Numbers Time: Browns Playoff Bound

If NFL.com is going to start posting the playoff picture in week 4, I'm going to have something to say about it.

This is your first weekly reminder that the 0-7 Cleveland Browns are still, statistically, in playoff contention.

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Monday, October 3, 2016

Designated Survivor: Zero Shits

This is my running list of things on Designated Survivor I could not give two shits about.

• Kiefer's son

• Who's calling Kiefer's son

• the fact that Kiefer's son is clearly dealing drugs (UPDATE: called it!) (UPDATE: friends got me to watch the pilot again and Kiefer's son explicitly is selling drugs at the rave. Somehow missed or forgot that. Shows how few shits I give.)

• Kiefer's daughter

• Any impacts the situation is having on Kiefer's daughter

• Kiefer's character's name

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Wednesday, September 28, 2016

This is My Everything

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