Monday, February 8, 2021

Numbers Time: Ten GOAT

Let me get this out of the way, up front. After being a big fan and defender of Tom Brady for two decades, I am finally off the bandwagon. I find his support of Antonio Brown indefensible. It's clear Belichick was the moral center of the Patriots, and had he had this success on another team, Brady would have enabled far more monsters. That being said, his achievements on a pure numbers level are worth looking at in how absurdly high some of his stats are.

With 7 Super Bowl wins, Tom Brady has won more Super Bowls than any entire NFL team, more than any other player. Only Bill Belichick has more, 6 with the Patriots, 2 with the Giants. One administrator has 7, but who cares about that guy?

He has won more Super Bowls than the worst 18 Super Bowl teams, combined (including the four teams who have never even been to one)

He has won more Super Bowls than 3 entire divisions, the NFC North, AFC and NFC South. He ties the NFC West as a whole.

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Tuesday, December 29, 2020

Numbers Time: Threeway Ties 2020!!!

When the new expanded playoff format was announced, people worried the #7 seed would be a team with a record so bad, they wouldn’t deserve to make the playoffs. Turns out, people were looking in the wrong place for a team that doesn’t deserve to make the playoffs. But first, the games that don’t matter.

AFC’s Wild Wild Card Race

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Friday, December 18, 2020

Numbers Time: Election Results 2020

In 2016, I was quick to post something because there was a reason. The results were confusing, and I wanted to address a false narrative. This election was a lot more straight forward. One candidate clearly won, and there weren’t any serious third party candidates. Don’t let the numbers fool you, though. Looking forward to 2024, I want to look backwards to 2016. We have a President doing things I would consider unambiguously unpresidential, and he lost re-election big time. But it’s a lot more complicated than that.

State by state, the president actually made some serious gains. If you’re a Democrat, even this landslide election isn't great news. If you think Americans will fight against the rise of a dictator, this isn’t great news. If you’re like me, the moment they called Pennsylvania, a massive weight lifted from your shoulders. I don’t want to take that away from anyone, but the fight is far from over. Step one is admitting the problem. Here are a few things you may not know:

Blue States are Getting More Red

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Wednesday, December 16, 2020

Unexplained Numbers Time in Brief: Lists

 The following is just simply everything I love all rolled into one: presidents, numbers, and lists.

1) Eisenhower: 899
2) Clinton: 749
3) Wilson: 712
4) Obama: 697
5) HW Bush: 594
6) McKinley: 563
7) W Bush: 557

1) Reagan (1984) 525
2) FDR (1936) 523
3) Nixon (1972) 520
4) Reagan (1980) 489
5) LBJ (1964) 486
6) FDR (1932) 449
7) Eisenhower (1956) 457
8) FDR (1940) 449
9) Hoover (1928) 444
10) Eisenhower (1952) 442
11) Wilson (1912) 435
12) FDR (1944) 432
13) HW Bush (1988) 426
14) Harding (1920) 404
15) Coolidge (1924) 382
16) Clinton (1996) 379
17) Clinton (1992) 365
18) Obama (2008) 365
19) TR (1904) 336
20) Obama (2012) 332
21) Taft (1908) 321
22) Biden (2020) 306

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Friday, November 27, 2020

Ten Things You Still Somehow Don’t Know About “Elf”

With the end of Thanksgiving, it’s officially time for the Christmas Season to begin. That means it’s also time for really well researched articles that deep dive and mine for details about the movie “Elf” that you have totally never read before. Let me save you the effort of those totally not at all clickbait articles and give you the ten essential details about the movie “Elf” there is no possible way you knew before now.

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Tuesday, November 3, 2020

Incumbent Losers in Brief

The year is 1789. A group of rich, white land owners are gathering together to enact the first of many flawed democratic traditions. Given two votes each, electors chose a guy born in Scotland, some Georgia farmer, and some guy named James Armstrong. More importantly, every single one of them used their other vote on George Washington. Eleven years later (1800), the same fucked up process came one Hamilton arm twist away from putting Aaron Burr in the White House, but more importantly, it was the first time an incumbent, John Adams, had lost re-election.

Adams’ Federalist Party had crumbled, leaving Jefferson’s proto-Republicans in charge through the most stable time in US Political history, ending when John Quincy Adams became president despite clearly losing the election. Andrew Jackson led a four year charge against him until, 28 years after his father’s defeat (1828), JQ became the second Adams and second incumbent to lose re-election.

Only 12 years later, after Jackson spent eight years destroying the economy, an economic panic tanked his successor’s re-election chances, and in 1840 Martin Van Buren lost to a rich drunk the people mistook for a poor drunk.
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Wednesday, September 16, 2020

Unexplained List: Jacksonburg Jacksons

Hue Jackson
QB: Lamar Jackson
RB1: Bo Jackson
RB2: Steven Jackson
RB3: Fred Jackson
WR1: Vincent Jackson
WR2: DeSean Jackson
TE: Keith Jackson
LT: Perry Jackson
LG: Noah Jackson
C: Jamaal Jackson
RG: Gabe Jackson
RT: Austin Jackson

LDE: Tyoka Jackson
NT: Malik Jackson
RDE: Rich Jackson
WLB: Tom Jackson
LILB: D'Qwell Jackson
RILB: Michael Jackson
SLB: Rickey Jackson
LCB: Bobby Jackson
RCB: J.C. Jackson
SS: Eddie Jackson
FS: Chris Jackson

P: Rusty Jackson
K: David Akers

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Saturday, July 4, 2020

Unexplained List: Pirfection

14) 2011 Packers
13) 2004 Steelers
12) 1942 Bears
11) 1967 Raiders
10) 1968 Colts
9) 1934 Bears
8) 1998 Vikings
7) 2015 Panthers
6) 1976 Raiders
5) 1962 Packers
4) 2007 Patriots
3) 1985 Bears
2) 1984 49ers
1) 1972 Dolphins

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Sunday, April 26, 2020

Making Sense of 2020 QBs

All he bandwidth around the league has gone to Tom Brady, but there has been a lot of quarterback movement in the offseason. After the draft, it looks like a few starters might have a run for their money. I'm writing this to help me keep track of all of it. Here’s every starting QB’s status, moving roughly from most stable to biggest cluster fuck. I'll edit this as things change.

NO CHANGE (UDFA don't count)

Lamar Jackson | Patrick Mahomes | Jimmy Garoppolo | DeShaun Watson |
Matt Ryan | Jared Goff | Kyler Murray


Drew Brees  | Russell Wilson | Baker Mayfield | Matthew Stafford | Daniel Jones |
Ben Roethlisberger | Drew Lock (seriously?) | Dak Prescott | Ryan Tannehill | 
Kirk Cousins | Josh Allen


Tom Brady | Teddy Bridgewater | Philip Rivers | Joe Burrow | Tua Tagovailoa | Justin Herbert

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Saturday, April 25, 2020

Explained List: Smells Like Quarantine

Being trapped inside means plenty of free time. For me, it means not enough external forces to stop me from obsessing over something really dumb.  This is the Top Ten Best Things About the "Smells Like Teen Spirit" music video, pretty much in chronological order. Why seven? I wanted GIFs for this thing, and GIFs on my blog play automatically, so I trimmed a bit to fit everything. Some of these are pretty big, so expect long load times to view them all. I also had to do that clickbait thing where there's multiple pages to view them all. You'll thank me when it doesn't freeze your computer.

#1) The Opening Shot

Everything you need to know right up front. Converse high tops tapping. Kids, boys and girls. Plaid. Stripper cheerleaders. Brown. And you can just feel it about to explode.

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