Tuesday, October 4, 2022

Unexplained List: Old GOAT

20) Tim Tebow
19) Byron Leftwich
18) AJ Feeley
17) Kyle Orton
16) Seneca Wallace
15) Blake Bortles
14) Mark Sanchez
13) Sam Bradford
12) Rex Grossman
11) Jay Cutler
10) Tony Romo
9) Ryan Fitzpatrick
8) Ben Roethlisberger
7) Andrew Luck
6) Michael Vick
5) Alex Smith
4) Carson Palmer
3) Philip Rivers
2) Eli Manning
1) Drew Brees

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Wednesday, September 21, 2022

List of Thrones: A Man Named Kevan

After finishing a Game of Thrones re-watch and starting a books re-read, I decided to rank the top 100 characters in the show and books. My opinions are based on an amorphous mix of show and book stuff, even when they contradict. I don’t have something interesting to say about all 100, so they’ll be listed without comment.
100-81 | 80-61 | 60-41 | 40-21 | 20-11 | 10-1

100) Edmure Tully
I can think of no better way to honor the Lord of Riverrun than to put him at the bottom of a list. He’s only here because of how much, and how multi-facetedly, he sucks. Can’t blame him, though, hard to get better at shooting an arrow when you’re a hostage of the lamest House in Westeros.
99) Meryn Trant
98) Lancel Lannister
97) Balon Greyjoy
96) Alliser Thorne
95) Randyll Tarly

Balon, Alliser, and Randyll are all basically the same character, a gruff old man who exists to make a younger character feel like shit. Randyll tops the three because in the books he looms across the Riverlands as Brienne searches for Sansa. His no-nonsense approach to the world makes him a villain to be feared. Keep Reading >>

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List of Thrones: One Fish, Two Fish, Blackfish, True Tris

After finishing a Game of Thrones re-watch and starting a books re-read, I decided to rank the top 100 characters in the show and books. My opinions are based on an amorphous mix of show and book stuff, even when they contradict. I don’t have something interesting to say about all 100, so they’ll be listed without comment.
100-81 | 80-61 | 60-41 | 40-21 | 20-11 | 10-1

80) Melisandre of Asshai
79) Tristifer Botley

Poor guy. All he wants in this world is to love a woman who will never, ever love him back. He’s just a sweet, devoted bookworm. And I love the name Tristifer
78) Osha
77) Gerris Drinkwater

To truly understand this put upon seafarer, you’ll have to wait until I explain the greatness that is Quentyn Martell. It was a good choice not to include this story in the show, but you show watchers are severely missing out on maybe the best four chapters in the whole series. That’s right, Gerris and Quentyn made an impact on me in only four chapters. Keep Reading >>

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List of Thrones: A Knife in Your Heart

After finishing a Game of Thrones re-watch and starting a books re-read, I decided to rank the top 100 characters in the show and books. My opinions are based on an amorphous mix of show and book stuff, even when they contradict. I don’t have something interesting to say about all 100, so they’ll be listed without comment.
100-81 | 80-61 | 60-41 | 40-21 | 20-11 | 10-1

60) Daario Naharis
59) Jon Snow

How dare I rank the main character so low?!?!?! The most striking thing about my GoT re-watch was how much I missed the first time because every time a Jon Snow scene came up, I zoned out. The snow was boring to look at, and somehow Jon is even more boring to watch. Every time the snow jumped to the Wall, I remember thinking, “This is probably REALLY important, but I just don’t care.” He comes alive in the battle of Castle Black and again in the Battle of Winterfell, but that’s it. He’s so boring, the show didn’t know what to do with him other than make him “not want it.” Reading Jon isn’t that much better. A Dance With Dragons is basically a third Jon, a third Dany, and a third Tyrion. Dany and Tyrion are off in Essos having great adventures, escaping slavers, ruling a city, taming dragons. Jon just broods in the snow. No wonder after the second book, GRRM makes Sam a POV character. No one cares what Jon thinks. He knows nothing! Keep Reading >>

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List of Thrones: Abel The Bard

After finishing a Game of Thrones re-watch and starting a books re-read, I decided to rank the top 100 characters in the show and books. My opinions are based on an amorphous mix of show and book stuff, even when they contradict. I don’t have something interesting to say about all 100, so they’ll be listed without comment.
100-81 | 80-61 | 60-41 | 40-21 | 20-11 | 10-1

40) Grey Worm
39) Ros

One of two characters on this list made up entirely for the show. She was a great add, giving us a conduit to explore the underbelly of the world. Her rise and demise through Littlefinger’s ranks was satisfying and tragic.
38) Shireen Baratheon
37) Ellaria Sand
36) Arianne Martell

I loved Ellaria, but she was the first hint the show gave us that they had no interest in delving into the Dorne story, whose central figure is Arianne. Arianne is the one who plots to kidnap Myrcella. Arianne is the one trying to outsmart her father, Doran, but who is ultimately outsmarted herself and let in on the bigger Dornish plot. Clearly, she’s not going to be a part of the ultimate resolution of the story, but I’m excited to see where she goes as the standard-bearer of the Martells.
35) Ygritte
She was right, they never should have left that cave. Somewhere between GRRM’s words and Rose Leslie’s charisma, this character came to life. Every boring ass main character needs a strong woman to challenge his every belief. Keep Reading >>

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List of Thrones: Seven Queens for Seven Kingdoms

After finishing a Game of Thrones re-watch and starting a books re-read, I decided to rank the top 100 characters in the show and books. My opinions are based on an amorphous mix of show and book stuff, even when they contradict. I don’t have something interesting to say about all 100, so they’ll be listed without comment.
100-81 | 80-61 | 60-41 | 40-21 | 20-11 | 10-1

20) Ned Stark
It would be easy to say the most interesting thing Ned did was die, but he looms over everything that comes after. He is the moral center of this universe, and however it wraps up, his code will find a way to prevail, even though he could not.
19) Cersei Lannister
It’s not until the fourth book that Cersei comes into her own. Her desperate grabs for power make her the scariest person to deal with once she grasps it. She’s such a layered villain, and I hope she gets a more fitting end in the books.
18) Catelyn Stark
Going back, I realized the tragedy of Catelyn is that she leaves Bran’s bedside and never sees him again. Her gullibility sparks the war that tears her family apart, but as Lady Stoneheart, she has the potential to right her wrongs. Maybe one day she’ll unlive long enough to see her house prevail. Keep Reading >>

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List of Thrones: NOT Bran the Fucking Broken

After finishing a Game of Thrones re-watch and starting a books re-read, I decided to rank the top 100 characters in the show and books. My opinions are based on an amorphous mix of show and book stuff, even when they contradict. I don’t have something interesting to say about all 100, so they’ll be listed without comment.
100-81 | 80-61 | 60-41 | 40-21 | 20-11 | 10-1

10) Tormund Giantsbane
I think this is just from the show. He’s not much in the books. But damn do I love him in the show. His love for Brienne is both pure and creepy at once.
9) Samwell Tarly
Everyone needs a Sam. He’s us, if we were stuck in this world. He’s a coward who finds his inner hero. He finds a way to do his duty, and to love. He’s the heart that holds the whole thing together. And he killed a White Walker, AND a Thenn.
8) Quentyn Martell
The grand Dornish plan I mentioned earlier involves Doran Martell his son Quentyn to Viserys in Essos. Then Viserys dies and Quentyn decides he’s going to marry Daenerys, just cuz he actually thinks she'll be into him. When we meet Quentyn, he’s a clueless rich asshole — with a frog face — acting like a swashbuckling pirate, while Gerris tries desperately to keep him on track. It’s hilarious. Everything keeps going to shit and he keeps making worse and worse decisions. He gets to Meereen, and Dany is already marrying Hizdahr, so he tries to steal a dragon and gets burned alive. That’s it. That’s his entire story. Four total chapters, and he makes more of an impact than Bran does in four books. I want a spinoff series just about Quentyn, then reveal that in the show, he survives and he’s actually that rando Dornishman at the council in the finale. Keep Reading >>

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Sunday, July 17, 2022

Box Office Breakdown 2022

All things considered, my time quarantined with Covid hasn't been that bad. My symptoms never got that serious. The worst part is that I'm still testing positive, so I'm quarantined in my bedroom. I'm stir crazy. I'm just passing time at this point. So maybe I should take the top 100 domestic grossing movies of all time and determine what it takes for a movie to gross a record amount of money.

Movie prices have gone up by a hell of a lot in the last 20-30 years, so it's not surprising 57 of the top 100 are from the last decade, even with a pandemic slowing ticket sales in the past few years. A full 87 of them are from the last 20 years.

With all the media options these days, the audience needs to feel a level of confidence in the movie they're going to go out and spend money on will entertain them. This usually means a recognizeable property. That's why:

Keep Reading >>

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Wednesday, July 13, 2022

I Swear This Makes Sense

Wednesday, July 6, 2022

Unexplained List: More The Better

50) Bartosz
49) Bernd
48) Greta
47) Regina
46) Magnus
45) Franziska
44) Ulla S.
43) Selma
42) Donata
41) Sebastian
40) Mikkel/Michael
39) Tronte
38) Killian
37) Jana
36) Peter
35) Martin
34) Daniel
33) Hermann
32) Udo
31) Edda
30) Erik
29) Helge
28) Doris
27) Jürgen
26) Mads
25) Ines
24) Katharina
23) Jonas
22) Charlotte
21) Ulla O.
20) Jasmin
19) Ulrich
18) Agnes
17) Egon
16) Yasin
15) Erna
14) Silja
13) Origin
12) Claudia
11) Gretchen
10) Helena
9) Clausen
8) Aleksander
7) Bernadette
6) Wöller
5) Tannhaus
4) Martha
3) Hannah
2) Noah
1) Elisabeth

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