Relatives on Facebook, Please Read

Dearest Relatives,

This is an open letter, so I want to be clear to whom this applies. Brothers, sisters, cousins, you're all good. I'm talking to the generations that came before us: parents, aunts, uncles, grands, greats, and once or twice removeds. I'm even going to widen my umbrella and include friends relatives in this. Hell, I will include anyone thinking about interacting with a younger generation in their family on Facebook. Everyone can learn from what I'm about so say, please, come one and all to listen. See that usage of the word whom back there. That was for you guys. I can be hip.

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The Dangers of Facebook 'Causes'

If you've been on Facebook recently, you've probably seen this, over and over again:

"Change your FB profile picture to a cartoon from your childhood. The goal? To not see a human face on FB till Monday, December 6. Join the fight against child abuse, copy & paste to your status and invite friends to do the same."

While it's refreshing to see Facebook used for something more than sharing pictures of an impressive meal, it is yet another step so far in the wrong direction we won't remember what the right one was when we get there. If on December 6, every single one of the millions of Facebook profile pictures is a cartoon, it still would have accomplished exactly nothing. True, we are declaring in one voice that we're against child abuse, but is anyone NOT against child abuse? If there actually is a person out there who is PRO child abuse, I sincerely doubt even millions of little cartoon faces will change that person's opinion on the matter.

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This Blog Needs Some Vitamin ME

RE-POSTED FROM MY FACEBOOK NOTE --

Before opening one's mouth, I think a person should ask a question, mentally, of course. "Is what I'm about to say adding to the conversation, or do I just want to get noticed for speaking?" Anyone who knows me, will know I often fail to think at all before I open my big mouth, let alone ask myself the question.

It's different on the internet. Before your inner thoughts go out to the world, there are extra buttons to push, therefore time to think. We all have friends who constantly post comments on blogs, or at least have read a youtube comment or two. Some of us do the commenting ourselves.

Now, I'm not saying I'm going to change the world with a Facebook note, but I will ask all who are interested enough in what I'm saying to reach the third paragraph, "Do you ever ask yourself that question before you post a comment? Are you posting to add to the conversation, or are you posting to get noticed?" I think this is important because if you're not adding to the conversation, you're probably just being wildly annoying. I know I find it annoying.

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Country Name Origins. Fascinating!

RE-POSTED FROM MY FACEBOOK NOTE-- After doing a related sporcle list, I decided to look up the word origins of all the countries. Most country names are just physical descriptions given by clearly deep-thinking European, but some of them are pretty interesting

Niger is actually pronounced "nee-zhay" cuz it's French. It comes from Ni Gir, Ni meaning river. That means the Niger River, for which Niger and Nigeria are named, translates to "River Gir River."

Chad is named for Lake Chad. Chad derives from the Bornu word "tsade," meaning Lake. Chad = Lake. Lake Chad = Lake Lake.

Trinidad and Tobago = Trinity and Tobacco
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More Thoughts on Facebook's New Layout

DISCLAIMER: The following is for the appreciation of those of you I know already agree with my sentiment. These thoughts are for the most part extremes way beyond how I really feel, but I think pretty well nail my side of this issue. If you think this might offend you, please stop reading.

Some Facebook statuses I decided against posting:

• When you revolutionize social media, you get to start complaining.
• If you don't like Facebook's new layout, get your own site. What's that you say, a web site would cost money? Exactly! Facebook is 100% FREE. You sound like the crazy guy at the soup kitchen complaining there isn't enough Minestrone.
• When I start my own social media site, I won't change a thing until I personally poll every single one of the millions of users and make sure they're all cool with it first. I predict one minor change every 20 years or so. That should be plenty to keep up with an ever-changing and evolving market
• In order to continue offering you a free service, Facebook has to keep evolving to prove to the people paying for you to social network that Facebook continues to be a worthwhile investment. If dozens of updates later you haven't figured out they do this without consulting you, maybe you might consider going back to telegraph or letter writing.
• Facebook shares your personal information with any number of third party companies or other entities. Lack of proper education for Facebook's younger users has led to predators using information kids unwisely post to track them down and abduct them. The short-hand way Facebook encourages people to communicate is re-socializing us to feel less sympathy for our friends' traumas. But, holy shit, they moved the sidebar to the other side! How dare they?

Facebook Etiquette - Part 3

Part 3 - Comments

Commenting is maybe the diciest part of Facebook. As I pointed out in Part 2, Facebook makes everyone think all status updates are up for discussion. Hell, the internet now seems to be all about discussions. Videos, pictures, articles, everything has a comments section. Commenting is an easy way to connect with other people without having to come up with the topic of discussion. To avoid confrontation, a few things to think about before you hit "reply."

It's the poster's house, respect it - When I post something, it's like I'm hosting a mini-party. The item will show up on all my friends feeds, and those who decide to comment will be kept up to date on every subsequent comment. Since I'm the one who posted in the first place, the gathering of ideas is my event, and my responsibility if you start becoming an asshole. Before you post, keep in mind the conversation isn't yours, it's mine. If you want the conversation to be yours, start a new thread in your own space.

Read the status update carefully - Put yourself in the poster's shoes. Does this person really want to start a conversation? Is the poster looking for sympathy? Did the poster say something to elicit a response in any way? Or was the poster just rattling off nonsense cuz he or she was bored. Remember, every time you comment, someone's going to get an annoying e-mail about it.

Read the other comments first - If someone else has already said what you're thinking, you don't really need to say anything. If it's something you feel REALLY passionate about, go ahead and post that you've "Agreed" and maybe clarify a little more. Before you do, though, keep in mind that your comment will get e-mailed to all the other commenters. That can get annoying.

Ask yourself, "Do I need to comment on this?" - A great improv teacher once told me, "Before you enter a scene, ask yourself, 'Am I really adding to the scene, or do I just think this scene could use some Vitamin Me?'" Ask yourself that before you decide to comment. Are you really adding to the conversation, or are you just trying to get attention? If you're not adding to the conversation, you're just annoying, and seriously disrespecting my house. You don't NEED to comment on anything, so before you do, ask yourself why you feel the need to inject yourself. Seriously, is whatever you have to add to the conversation worth even the possibility someone could find it annoying?

Know when to take it to private messages - This goes for commenters and posters alike. The moment you get frustrated, take it to a private message. If the comments have evolved (or devolved) into a conversation involving only a couple of the commenters, start a private message thread. If someone's getting annoying and you don't want to delete the comment, send a private message with a polite request that the person stop, without having to embarrass the commenter in public. They taught me in film school, "Praise in public, scold in private." If your friend can't stand to be privately, politely asked to give it a rest, it may be time to look for the "Remove from Friends" button.

Okay, that's it. I've been stewing over this for several months now, and it feel good to get it all on paper-esque.

Facebook Etiquette - Part 2

Part 2 - Status Updates

Say what you want about Twitter and Facebook, there actually is a market for people to post their thoughts 24/7. Most people don't want to know if anyone cares, they just want to feel like they're reaching out to someone. That's fair. However, to avoid unnecessary fights, let's try to keep the following things in mind.

Potential employers will -- not might -- read everything you post - Whether you believe this or not, you should always think about that before you post. This will prevent you from posting anything too offensive or vulgar. Most importantly, it will remind you that if you post negative things about your job while at your job, they're well within their rights to fire you. But won't that limit our ability to express ourselves? Yes, yes it will. Just keep in mind, while you have the right to say whatever you want, the more out there you go, the more you risk the consequences. Your words have consequences. They teach you that in kindergarten.

You can't always determine tone over the internet - Someone's Facebook status a little while ago was that someone needs to come up with a sarcasm font. Sarcasm definitely doesn't read across the internet, but the same goes for thousands of other human emotions and forms of expression. When you write something, you have a clear tone of voice in your head, but as most of us aren't professional writers, that tone rarely if ever come across exactly the way you wanted it to. Misunderstandings will happen over the internet, they just will. Before you get pissed off at someone, pick up the phone, or at the very least send a private message asking for clarification. Is the tiny bit of embarrassment that comes with asking for an explanation really worse than sparking off a fight with a good friend?

Posting an unpopular opinion will start a conversation, always - "I think the Beatles suck." okay... "I'm all for war, let's go kill foreigners." right... "Barack Obama was definitely born in Kenya, and if you disagree, you can suck it." wait... "I'm starting to question the merits of public health care." You might as well follow each of these up with the phrase "Please discuss." Going out on a limb and voicing an unpopular opinion might bring out a few people that agree with you, but to get to them, you have to sift through a sea of dissenters. If you don't expect the dissenters, you're going to get defensive. The more aggressive your tone, the more dissenters you'll get. So before you get pissed at all the comments calling you a douche bag, go back and read what you wrote, you maybe were just looking to pick a fight.

People may disagree with you, if you don't want to hear it, don't post your opinions publicly - This is sort of an addendum to the last one. If you post an opinion of any kind, people will respond. Facebook is built to start conversations. That's why you can comment on EVERYTHING. Even if your status is "My, the sun feels good today," someone could have an opinion. You should know by now that Facebook is a tool for multi-way communication, and if you don't want people commenting on your thoughts, don't say them out loud (yes, posting on the internet and saying them aloud are the same thing)

It's ok to just delete comments - I once had a mailing list that got out of control, and when I tried to ask people to stop hitting Reply All, they thought I was kidding around, so they kept doing it. A good friend told me I should have just ignored it. Responding, no matter how constructive you think your response is, will always perpetuate it. If the comments on your status update, or note, or whatever, get too long, just let it alone. And if things get really annoying, just delete the comments. It's ok. It really is. If you make it known that you delete comments in general, it's easier when you have to do it. Deleting a comment says without saying that the comment was irrelevant, inappropriate, or in any way undesired. If the commenter has any common sense, they'll get it, and you've just saved that person and yourself an annoying Facebook confrontation.

Speaking of comments, that's what Part 3 will be about.

Facebook Etiquette - Part 1

Part 1 - Introduction

Oh Facebook. You've given the world such a platform for millions of people who just 500 years ago would have been shot just for opening their mouths. Speaking of freedom of speech, what does that mean anyway:

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

God, who doesn't love that First Amendment. It means anyone can say whatever they want, whenever, they want without fear of retribution, right? WRONG, and fuck you for thinking that. The First Amendment just means the government is not allowed to institutionalize censorship. The noun in that sentence is Congress, not regular people. If you say something stupid or offensive, my freedom of speech gives me the same right right to call you an idiot asshole as you do to say stupid shit in the first place. The moral of this story, "If you say something stupid, people will think you're stupid. You can't hide behind the internet."

What's that you say, you don't care what people think? Of course you do. We all see through your bullshit. When you say you don't care what people think, what you really mean to say is, "I can't admit when I'm wrong." Of course you care what people think, that's why you're posting on the internet in the first place. You want people to agree with you, or pity you, or give you any sort of positive attention. You care so much what people think that you take your innermost thoughts and post them in a general forum. That's why I'm writing this right now. I feel like everyone on Facebook is insane and I want someone to fucking agree with me.

The web gives people "internet balls." If someone's pissing you off in life, more often than not, you stay quiet and deal with it. People don't like confrontation; it's awkward to be around. On the internet, though, you can post your opinion, then walk away. The response isn't immediate. You can be passive-aggressive and hide behind deniability because it will be hours, even days before someone calls you out, if ever. The people you affect through Facebook are miles away, so it's hard to give a crap about how anyone's going to feel about what you say.

What's that you say? Aren't I doing that very thing right now? Clearly, every opinion I'm voicing right now comes from some incident or another, and by not naming names, aren't I just playing the passive-aggressive game? Yes, of course I am. The difference is that this is my site, my blog, and I'm not going to link to it on Facebook, or anywhere for that matter. I will say, though, that if you think anything I write on this topic is the result of anger toward you, it's not. I feel I'm just putting my frustration in positive directions, in hopes that at least one person starts a conversation about Facebook etiquette. I feel no ill will toward anyone, I just wish we were all on the same page.

If you disagree with anything I've said or will say, feel free to comment. If I disagree with you, I'll just delete your comment. I'm not Congress, I can do it if I want.