List of Thrones: A Man Is Named Kevan

After finishing a Game of Thrones re-watch and starting a books re-read, I decided to rank the top 100 characters in the show and books. My opinions are based on an amorphous mix of show and book stuff, even when they contradict. I don’t have something interesting to say about all 100, so they’ll be listed without comment.
100-81 | 80-61 | 60-41 | 40-21 | 20-11 | 10-1
100) Edmure Tully
I can think of no better way to honor the Lord of Riverrun than to put him at the bottom of a list. He’s only here because of how much, and how multi-facetedly, he sucks. Can’t blame him, though, hard to get better at shooting an arrow when you’re a hostage of the lamest House in Westeros.
99) Meryn Trant
98) Lancel Lannister
97) Balon Greyjoy
96) Alliser Thorne
95) Randyll Tarly
Balon, Alliser, and Randyll are all basically the same character, a gruff old man who exists to make a younger character feel like shit. Randyll tops the three because in the books he looms across the Riverlands as Brienne searches for Sansa. His no-nonsense approach to the world makes him a villain to be feared. Keep Reading >>

List of Thrones: One Fish, Two Fish, Blackfish, True Tris

After finishing a Game of Thrones re-watch and starting a books re-read, I decided to rank the top 100 characters in the show and books. My opinions are based on an amorphous mix of show and book stuff, even when they contradict. I don’t have something interesting to say about all 100, so they’ll be listed without comment.
100-81 | 80-61 | 60-41 | 40-21 | 20-11 | 10-1
80) Melisandre of Asshai
79) Tristifer Botley
Poor guy. All he wants in this world is to love a woman who will never, ever love him back. He’s just a sweet, devoted bookworm. And I love the name Tristifer
78) Osha
77) Gerris Drinkwater
To truly understand this put upon seafarer, you’ll have to wait until I explain the greatness that is Quentyn Martell. It was a good choice not to include this story in the show, but you show watchers are severely missing out on maybe the best four chapters in the whole series. That’s right, Gerris and Quentyn made an impact on me in only four chapters. Keep Reading >>

List of Thrones: A Knife in Your Heart

After finishing a Game of Thrones re-watch and starting a books re-read, I decided to rank the top 100 characters in the show and books. My opinions are based on an amorphous mix of show and book stuff, even when they contradict. I don’t have something interesting to say about all 100, so they’ll be listed without comment.
100-81 | 80-61 | 60-41 | 40-21 | 20-11 | 10-1
60) Daario Naharis
59) Jon Snow
How dare I rank the main character so low?!?!?! The most striking thing about my GoT re-watch was how much I missed the first time because every time a Jon Snow scene came up, I zoned out. The snow was boring to look at, and somehow Jon is even more boring to watch. Every time the snow jumped to the Wall, I remember thinking, “This is probably REALLY important, but I just don’t care.” He comes alive in the battle of Castle Black and again in the Battle of Winterfell, but that’s it. He’s so boring, the show didn’t know what to do with him other than make him “not want it.” Reading Jon isn’t that much better. A Dance With Dragons is basically a third Jon, a third Dany, and a third Tyrion. Dany and Tyrion are off in Essos having great adventures, escaping slavers, ruling a city, taming dragons. Jon just broods in the snow. No wonder after the second book, GRRM makes Sam a POV character. No one cares what Jon thinks. He knows nothing! Keep Reading >>

List of Thrones: Abel The Bard

After finishing a Game of Thrones re-watch and starting a books re-read, I decided to rank the top 100 characters in the show and books. My opinions are based on an amorphous mix of show and book stuff, even when they contradict. I don’t have something interesting to say about all 100, so they’ll be listed without comment.
100-81 | 80-61 | 60-41 | 40-21 | 20-11 | 10-1
40) Grey Worm
39) Ros
One of two characters on this list made up entirely for the show. She was a great add, giving us a conduit to explore the underbelly of the world. Her rise and demise through Littlefinger’s ranks was satisfying and tragic.
38) Shireen Baratheon
37) Ellaria Sand
36) Arianne Martell
I loved Ellaria, but she was the first hint the show gave us that they had no interest in delving into the Dorne story, whose central figure is Arianne. Arianne is the one who plots to kidnap Myrcella. Arianne is the one trying to outsmart her father, Doran, but who is ultimately outsmarted herself and let in on the bigger Dornish plot. Clearly, she’s not going to be a part of the ultimate resolution of the story, but I’m excited to see where she goes as the standard-bearer of the Martells.
35) Ygritte
She was right, they never should have left that cave. Somewhere between GRRM’s words and Rose Leslie’s charisma, this character came to life. Every boring ass main character needs a strong woman to challenge his every belief. Keep Reading >>

List of Thrones: Seven Queens for Seven Kingdoms

After finishing a Game of Thrones re-watch and starting a books re-read, I decided to rank the top 100 characters in the show and books. My opinions are based on an amorphous mix of show and book stuff, even when they contradict. I don’t have something interesting to say about all 100, so they’ll be listed without comment.
100-81 | 80-61 | 60-41 | 40-21 | 20-11 | 10-1
20) Ned Stark
It would be easy to say the most interesting thing Ned did was die, but he looms over everything that comes after. He is the moral center of this universe, and however it wraps up, his code will find a way to prevail, even though he could not.
19) Cersei Lannister
It’s not until the fourth book that Cersei comes into her own. Her desperate grabs for power make her the scariest person to deal with once she grasps it. She’s such a layered villain, and I hope she gets a more fitting end in the books.
18) Catelyn Stark
Going back, I realized the tragedy of Catelyn is that she leaves Bran’s bedside and never sees him again. Her gullibility sparks the war that tears her family apart, but as Lady Stoneheart, she has the potential to right her wrongs. Maybe one day she’ll unlive long enough to see her house prevail. Keep Reading >>

List of Thrones: NOT Bran the Fucking Broken

After finishing a Game of Thrones re-watch and starting a books re-read, I decided to rank the top 100 characters in the show and books. My opinions are based on an amorphous mix of show and book stuff, even when they contradict. I don’t have something interesting to say about all 100, so they’ll be listed without comment.
100-81 | 80-61 | 60-41 | 40-21 | 20-11 | 10-1
10) Tormund Giantsbane
I think this is just from the show. He’s not much in the books. But damn do I love him in the show. His love for Brienne is both pure and creepy at once.
9) Samwell Tarly
Everyone needs a Sam. He’s us, if we were stuck in this world. He’s a coward who finds his inner hero. He finds a way to do his duty, and to love. He’s the heart that holds the whole thing together. And he killed a White Walker, AND a Thenn.
8) Quentyn Martell
The grand Dornish plan I mentioned earlier involves Doran Martell his son Quentyn to Viserys in Essos. Then Viserys dies and Quentyn decides he’s going to marry Daenerys, just cuz he actually thinks she'll be into him. When we meet Quentyn, he’s a clueless rich asshole — with a frog face — acting like a swashbuckling pirate, while Gerris tries desperately to keep him on track. It’s hilarious. Everything keeps going to shit and he keeps making worse and worse decisions. He gets to Meereen, and Dany is already marrying Hizdahr, so he tries to steal a dragon and gets burned alive. That’s it. That’s his entire story. Four total chapters, and he makes more of an impact than Bran does in four books. I want a spinoff series just about Quentyn, then reveal that in the show, he survives and he’s actually that rando Dornishman at the council in the finale. Keep Reading >>

Explained List: GoT Final Death Ranking

I know I said I wasn't going to re-order the list, but now I feel like I need to just to get all my thoughts together. Throw subtlety out the door, the last episode is now clearly Team Jon vs. Team Dany. Frankly, I don't want either of them to win, but I definitely don't want either of them to die. As far as I'm concerned, everyone is now on the chopping block. If Varys can die, I don't even know what the end of the show looks like.

1. Bran Stark
The question now is why the fuck is Bran still alive? What's even his purpose? He's #1 no longer because I think he's the most likely to die but because he's the one I want to die the most. UPDATE: fuck Bran... but I guess Tyrion is basically king now, so that's... good? Give it up for the rich white guy who spent eight years doing literally NOTHING. They never get anything.

2. Bronn
There is no way he gets Highgarden. Start his death clock. I really should have put him #1, but fuck Bran. Fuck Bran and his stupid, non-specific powers. Bran better have something major up his sleeve because fuck. UPDATE: Wrong again, I guess. Always liked Bronn, so whatever.

3. Daenerys Targaryen
Is anyone still on Team Dany? There is no way she survives now. Any chance of being part of the final power structure is now out the window. And she's been very clear that she's not going to stand by with someone else in charge. Jon Snow is gonna warg Drogon and without a dragon, she has no one to protect her.

4. Grey Worm
For a warrior with only one thing to lose, the most tragic ending would be for him to survive, but his love not to. Grey Worm arriving in Naath with Missandei's remains would maybe be too satisfying of an ending for this show. Alas, Dany's last remaining ally will have to go when she does. But he's going to go out like a bad ass. UPDATE: They went for the satisfying ending. I shouldn't have questioned myself...

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Explained List: GoT Death Ranking- Post Winterfell

Overall, I didn't do half bad in my predictions. Of my top 10, I thought seven would die at Winterfell. I was right about 5. I should have known they were just manipulating us, like they were with Arya. The fact remains, Missandei talked about her happy ending, so I don't think she'll have it. But when I'm wrong, I'll say I'm wrong. I did not think they'd kill off Lyanna, and I did not think Melisandre would even come back. Five out of seven ain't bad.

Again, pretty certain everyone after Jon Snow is going to live. UPDATE: I’m not going to re-order the list, but I will add thoughts at the end of each week.

1. Gregor Clegane
Without a doubt, this show cannot end until the Hound kills the Mountain. Someone else killed him the first time, so he was brought back with the sole purpose of living long enough for his brother to kill him.

2. Euron Greyjoy
A smug villain we didn’t meet until late into the show. Dead.

3. Missandei
With each passing day, I'm more and more convinced the tragedy will be Grey Worm living to the end to return to Naath to mourn Missandei.

4. Cersei Lannister
With 5 of the top 10 dead and one upgraded to likely to live, the clear new Big Bad cracks the top 5. Either Jaime or Arya does it. Neither character feels fulfilled as long as Cersei lives.

Keep Reading >>

Explained List: Game of Thrones Death Ranking

With the chess pieces now in place for the first big battle of the final season, it’s time to rank all remaining characters by how likely they are to die. I’ll go back and cross them off as they go. If I’m right, everyone below Jon Snow will be alive.

1. Gregor Clegane
Without a doubt, this show cannot end until the Hound kills the Mountain. Someone else killed him the first time, so he was brought back with the sole purpose of living long enough for his brother to kill him.

2. Euron Greyjoy
A smug villain we didn’t meet until late into the show. Dead.

3. The Night King
An undead creature that will not stop until man is forgotten from history. How can we call the story complete until he’s dead?

4. Theon Greyjoy
No one has fallen further and done more to redeem himself. He has no hope of a happy life, so a noble death failing to defend Bran is a fitting end.

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Unexplained List: Nervous Breakdown

70) Bran Stark 69) Edmure Tully 68) Tommen Baratheon 67) Kevan Lannister 66) Loras Tyrell 65) Osha 64) Grand Maester Pycelle 63) Lysa Arryn 62) Shireen Baratheon 61) Craster 60) Gregor Clegane 59) Septa Unella 58) Meera Reed 57) Hot Pie 56) Aemon Targaryen 55) Daario Naharis 54) Jojen Reed

35) Grey Worm 34) Robert Baratheon 33) Ellaria Sand 32) Sansa Stark 31) Stannis Baratheon 30) Missandei 29) High Sparrow 28) Jorah Mormont 27) Syrio Forel 26) Hodor 25) Viserys Targaryen 24) Yara Greyjoy 23) Jeor Mormont 22) Ygritte 21) Robin Arryn 20) Theon Greyjoy 19) Podrick Payne

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Unexplained List: No GoT

10) Garlan & Willis Tyrell
9) Dick Crabb
8) Mya Stone
7) Septa Lemore
6) Wyman Manderly
5) Val
4) Dareon
3) Arys Oakheart
2) Arianne Martell
1) Quentyn Martell

Unexplained List: Starks

1) Ned... game changing
2) Jon... can't be real
3) Robb... unexpected
4) Catelyn... heartbreaking
5) Sansa... unnecessary
6) Theon... excessive
7) Arya... she'll pull through, right?
8) Bran... he just wanted to climb
9) Talisa... not the baby too
10) Rickon... was also on the show