‘90s Hip-Hop: Child Labor Is Wiggida Wiggida Wiggida Whack

[originally written for overtimecomedy.com on 9/19/06]


In the early ‘90s, record companies, like the cigarette companies before them, realized if they hook listeners young, they’ll listen to poppy hip-hop for life. The core of their insidious plan took the form of two youngsters in dreds and reversed clothing, and five New Edition wannabes from Philadelphia. That’s right, Kriss Kross and ABC (Another Bad Creation).

Anyone you know that listens to hip-hop now is just the result of this corporate conspiracy gone horribly right. What you don’t see nowaways are those poor kids. I haven’t seen any of them, so I can only assume they’re dead.

The silver lining, though, is that they died for what they love. If Disney taught me anything it’s that young, oppressed boys love to sing and dance. The more oppressed they are, the larger the musical numbers. If the video for “Jump” is any indication, Kriss Kross were both wildly oppressed, and happier than you will ever be.