UFL Update: Marty Schottenheimer?

You heard me. Legendary NFL Coach Marty Schottenheimer will now take the helm of the Virginia Destroyers.

We all got a good chuckle when the Destroyers announced some corporate guy was going to be their head coach. Now that guy's off to Omaha. I laughed my ass off when the Tuskers folded and moved their entire organization to Hampton Roads. Now Jay Gruden's coaching for the Bengals.

Or is he?

The Bengals might not even play this season, leaving Gruden without a team. I'm sure his bed made out of Cincinnati's money will help him get through that. But I digress. With the NFL lockout still unresolved, more and more fans are opening up to the possibility of actually watching a UFL game. Even fewer fans have hope they might enjoy one. If Marty fucking Schottenheimer says the UFL has some worthwhile football, you'd better stop your cynicism and start watching.

For those of us already converted to the ways of the United Football League, we're just left to wonder how much bigger this cluster fuck can get for the Destroyers. Perhaps Schottenheimer will find Jesus and move to Sierra Leone to open a mission. I'm wondering if Virginia can handle coaching changes mid-season. Here's my prediction for the season: the Destroyers are going to beat the Locos in the Championship, despite a 100% turnover in players and staff from the beginning of the season to the end.

Hell, I wouldn't be amazed if by the end of the season, Gruden just moves back to Virginia, taking the entire Bengals organization with him. I'm kind of curious to see if UFL defenders can take down the likes of T.O. and Ochocinco. (the answer is no, by the way)