Sunday, May 12, 2019

Explained List: GoT Final Death Ranking

I know I said I wasn't going to re-order the list, but now I feel like I need to just to get all my thoughts together. Throw subtlety out the door, the last episode is now clearly Team Jon vs. Team Dany. Frankly, I don't want either of them to win, but I definitely don't want either of them to die. As far as I'm concerned, everyone is now on the chopping block. If Varys can die, I don't even know what the end of the show looks like.

1. Bran Stark
The question now is why the fuck is Bran still alive? What's even his purpose? He's #1 no longer because I think he's the most likely to die but because he's the one I want to die the most. UPDATE: fuck Bran... but I guess Tyrion is basically king now, so that's... good? Give it up for the rich white guy who spent eight years doing literally NOTHING. They never get anything.

2. Bronn
There is no way he gets Highgarden. Start his death clock. I really should have put him #1, but fuck Bran. Fuck Bran and his stupid, non-specific powers. Bran better have something major up his sleeve because fuck. UPDATE: Wrong again, I guess. Always liked Bronn, so whatever.

3. Daenerys Targaryen
Is anyone still on Team Dany? There is no way she survives now. Any chance of being part of the final power structure is now out the window. And she's been very clear that she's not going to stand by with someone else in charge. Jon Snow is gonna warg Drogon and without a dragon, she has no one to protect her.

4. Grey Worm
For a warrior with only one thing to lose, the most tragic ending would be for him to survive, but his love not to. Grey Worm arriving in Naath with Missandei's remains would maybe be too satisfying of an ending for this show. Alas, Dany's last remaining ally will have to go when she does. But he's going to go out like a bad ass. UPDATE: They went for the satisfying ending. I shouldn't have questioned myself...


5. Jon Snow
On the front lines of the anti-Dany campaign, Jon is in too precarious of a position not to die. Also, if he lives, he's going to be King, and that would be fucking BORING. UPDATE: King-Beyond-The-Wall. Totally in favor of this.

6. Arya Stark / 7. Sansa Stark
Given how much time the show has now spent watching Arya cheat death, I can't imagine a satisfying way for her to die. Does she kill Dany, then Grey Worm kills her? I don't know, but now I have this crazy ass theory about her story. Either Arya or Sansa will live. Whoever lives will be queen. I mean no one wants Sansa to be queen, right? And no one thinks Arya will be queen because she doesn’t want it. But what if all the other Starks are dead and Arya is the only thing standing between the Realm and chaos. The moment she walked away from killing Cersei, then saw the effects of their petty wars on the people, this became a real possibility. UPDATE: Yeah, this was probably way too crazy to actually happen. And it would have been absurd.

8. Brienne of Tarth
If Brienne doesn't die in a blaze of fucking glory, I'm going to be pissed. Or fuck it, she should live a happy life as a massive fuck you to Benioff and Weiss for doing her such a major disservice. Either way, Brienne better do something cool before the show ends, or else fuck that. UPDATE: Head of the Kingsguard is a pretty good ending. Her writing a better story for Jaime was sweet, but they could have done it without the bullshit crying.

9. Tyrion Lannister
I heard a criticism recently that Tyrion hasn’t done much lately. That’s why he will live. He’s not a man of big moves. He's not perfect, and the show keeps hi-lighting his mistakes, but ultimately, he's the cleverest character left. Without him, all hope for the Realm is lost. UPDATE: Long live the King, I mean Hand, whatever, sam deal.

10. Samwell Tarly / 11. Gilly / 12. Baby Sam
Anyone with a reason to hate Dany should be considered unsafe. I don’t think Sam will die, but I’m worried. With Gilly pregnant, them being in Sam’s orbit worries me. UPDATE: How did Gilly end up on Gendry's boat but not Sam? Is Sam now a deadbeat dad?

13. Davos Seaworth
Why? Why the fuck would Davos die? I can’t. The man must live. I don’t have a reason. He’s just not going to die. UPDATE: If he had died, I would 100% be crying right now.

14. Podrick Payne
My last end of the list died, so am I putting Pod at the end to spare Davos? Maybe. But also, come on. Pod can’t die... UPDATE: He got to be a Kingsguard. So cute.

Gathered on Gendry’s Old Boat

The final episode will either be big as hell, or surprisingly small in scale. Maybe everyone on this list is coming back for the ending. My guess is everyone on this list may or may not show up, even just in some sort of epilogue. But I don't think any of these characters will play enough of a role in the last episode for their deaths to make any sort of sense.

Daario Naharis
Edmure Tully UPDATE: one last time to smack down Edmure. Perfect!
Ellaria Sand UPDATE: Oh wait, did she die before or after the Keep fell on her?
Gendry Baratheon UPDATE: he was certainly... there
Jaqen H’ghar
Meera Reed
Robin Arryn UPDATE: so, the Kingdom is all great now, but this fucker still runs the Vale?
Tormund Giantsbane UPDATE: all he needed to do was smile. Love you, boo
Yara Greyjoy UPDATE: solid last moments

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