This Is a Blog: Them Crazy Veeps: I Do Mean Crazy

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Them Crazy Veeps: I Do Mean Crazy

And here we are. End of the road. Bottom of the barrel. As you read this, keep in mind all three of these men were elected to the second highest office in the land. One of them came in second place for the top job, losing to the great Thomas Jefferson by a very thin margin and some political maneuvering. The other two actually became president. Pay close attention not only to the damage they caused but the quality of their characters. These men were able to do the damage they did because We The People, elected them. (12 of 12)

#3 - Aaron Burr (former Senator, Democratic-Republican-NY) 1801-1805 (1 term, dropped) Pres: Jefferson

The scariest thing about Aaron Burr is how close he got to the presidency. A brilliant political strategist and creator of the machinery that would become the Democratic Party, Burr nearly convinced the House to choose him over Jefferson. He shot Alexander Hamilton over an insult. Imagine if Hamilton had insulted him while he was president. By all accounts, he did a fine and even-handed job running the Senate. but who cares? He was insane. Oh, and he got himself charged with treason. While in office, he allegedly tried to raise an army with the goal of annexing Florida or gathering up some western territories to secede. He managed to avoid conviction, but it couldn't have been fun for him, or the country.

#2 - Millard Fillmore (Comptroller, Whig-NY) 1849-1850 (ascended) Pres: Taylor

Millard Fillmore is the best argument against voting for a president and VP on the same ticket. The fact that this gutless asshole now sits on the short list of past presidents is an affront to democracy. To call Fillmore pro-slavery would be giving him too much credit. He and his president both detested slavery. The difference is Taylor had the balls to actually oppose it, Fillmore thought the South needed to be placated like whining children. He presided during the debates over the Compromise of 1850, doing nothing to stop the Fugitive Slave Act or Senator Henry Foote from pulling a pistol on Senator Thomas Benton. Had Taylor not died, he would have had the balls to strike down this ridiculous compromise and work toward one that could peacefully end slavery. Instead yellow-bellied Fillmore started us on the road to Civil War.

#1 - Andrew Johnson (Governor, Democrat-NC) 1865 (ascended) Pres: Lincoln

Correction, Andrew Johnson is the best argument against voting for a president and VP on the same ticket. In order to make a strong statement, Lincoln formed the National Unity Party for the 1864 election. His running mate would be his natural opposite, a Southern Democrat. Johnson was the only Southern Democrat that didn't support the Confederacy, so he was the guy. Before 1865, only old presidents died in office, so I'm sure the vigorous Lincoln didn't give a second thought to succession. No one could have foreseen our country's first presidential assassination. Hell, even the assassins meant to kill Johnson too.

There is not a single person lesser suited to follow the great Abraham Lincoln. Johnson drank so heavily people couldn't understand his inaugural address. He was a racist who still believed even though the North won the war that blacks had no place in American society. Most agregiously, he killed Reconstruction. Lincoln had planned on spending the time after the war lifting the South back up and re-integrating its people back into the Union. Johnson believed the South, including all Southern officials and officers, should suffer the harshest possible punishment. He effectively criminalized the only people capable of running the South and installed military governors, who the people of the South would naturally resent. Even if he hadn't completely de-stabilized the South, he still fought tooth and nail against any attempt to integrate freed slaves into society.

Andrew Johnson set the country on a cource from which it still hasn't recovered. Civil rights took a hundred years to come to fruition, and a hundred fifty years later, there is still a major philosophical divide between the North and South. Seriously, fuck you, Andrew Johnson.

(Click here to view the whole list so far)

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