The Legend of Zelda’s Ending Sucked

[originally written for overtimecomedy.com on 11/06/06]


The Legend of Zelda was the first sprawling epic video game. Its points-less, exploration base was the template for thousands of video games since. Its 8-bit overworld theme is considered the best piece of video game music ever conceived, and personally, I think the sound effect for Link’s shooting sword is the great sound ever built. It was a revolution in every way… except the ending.

Some of us spent half our childhoods battling and puzzle-solving our way through Hyrule. That was just within the game. That cartridge was finicky as hell. We all remember exactly how many pieces of cardboard to shove into the console to get it to sit right. This ordeal lasted years, and for all our struggles, we were treated to Zelda and Link holding their twin triforces into the air. That was it. Mario 2 sucked, and at least then we got to see the fairies cart away that evil frog dude.

It was like spending years on your senior thesis film, only to discover an art school degree means absolutely nothing. And this was much worse!