Gosh, At Least They’re Not Gambling

TEAMS WITH SOLID QB SITUATIONS

49ers, Bears, Bengals, Bills, Browns, Cardinals, Chargers, Chiefs, Cowboys, Jaguars, Patriots, Ravens 

UPDATE: Guess I was wrong.  A day after saying they were out of the Watson sweepstakes and Baker Mayfield wasn’t allowed to leave, the Browns decided to keep at least one sexual predator in the AFC North. Baker appears to still be held against his will. UPDATE 7/6: Baker is finally free!

TEAMS PROBABLY STICKING WITH THEIR STARTERS

Falcons- Matt Ryan has been the face of the franchise for 14 years, so they’re not just going to let him go. On the other hand, he’s been playing for 14 years, and the Falcons just finished 7-10. If Matty Ice was ready to retire or move on, I feel like we won’t know right up until it happens. UPDATE: Wow! Did not see that coming. Ryan's a Colt. With their awful 2021 performance, are they now in contention for a high draft pick QB? And is Marcus Mariota enough to backup the real 2022 starter, or are they actually giving him. second shot? UPDATE 4/29: If Mariota doesn't cut it, maybe third rounder Desmond Ridder will be able to somehow show letting Ryan go was actually a good idea.

Giants- If you ask anyone but the Giants organization if Danny Dimes is QB of the future, they’d probably think you were insane for even thinking he could. But the franchise that kept a shaky Eli Manning on the roster for over a decade is likely to stick it out and see if their new head coach can turn him into the kind of QB only a man who calls himself Danny Dimes could think he is. UPDATE: Jones is going to have to keep up with Tyrod Taylor if he wants to keep the job he clearly doesn’t deserve. UPDATE 4/28: Giants are not picking up Jones’s fifth-year option. Let’s see what they do in the draft today.

Jets- You’d have to be really bad at football to bail on your #2 draft pick in his second year. But this is the Jets we’re talking about, and they do hold #4 and #10 picks. Wilson is probably safe for one more year.

Raiders- Vegas has a lot of soul searching to do. Josh McDaniels is going to have a lot of decisions to make. Despite all the questions swirling around Carr’s first career playoff appearance, I think he’s safe for at least another year.

Rams- This is the most exciting time of Matthew Stafford’s career. Having finally made his escape from Detroit and tasted the good life, will he cut his losses and retire a champion, or ride it out as long as humanly possible? I think the latter is a pretty safe bet.

Titans- Ryan Tannehill is the face of the franchise’s meteoric turnaround, but with the team’s annual playoff stall, and Tannehill ready to look back on his first decade in the league, a new face under center isn’t out of the question. UPDATE 4/29: I certainly didn't see Malik Willis falling to the third round, and I thought he'd end up on a much worse team. This is an ideal situation for a promising young QB. He's got Vrabel and Tannehill to teach him the game, and a solid team around him. Tannehill wants to keep his job as long as possible, but I think the Titans are in good hands when he steps down.

THE SHAKY CENTER

Commanders- One day, I truly believe Taylor Heinicke will prove himself. I really hope Wahington gives him a chance. He’s just way too middle of the road to be sure. UPDATE: Carson Wentz can’t possibly be the answer to Washington’s woes. Maybe he’s just there to mentor young Taylor.

Eagles- This was the year Philly moved on from their former #2 pick and went all in on Jalen Hurts. He took them to the playoffs, but the team really wasn’t great. He’s just not the guy. Will they trade him to a team where he’d be more than enough, or see if they can turn him into the guy?

Packers- After a year of wanting out of Green Bay, Rodgers choked in the playoffs, again. And after his rants about Ayn Rand it’s pretty clear he won’t be blaming himself for that. He’s done his last Lambeau Leap. The question then is what to make of former first rounder Jordan Love. Like Rodgers before him, he’s totally untested, and we have no idea if he has what it takes. Does a first round pick mean he gets a year to prove himself as a starter? UPDATE: So that’s a big ole “no.” Packers finally realized they have to just throw piles of money at Rodgers, so they can continue to dominate the regular season and choke in the playoffs.

Panthers- I’m as shocked as you are. The problem wasn’t the Jets. It was, in fact, Sam Darnold. You just don’t go from Cam Newton to this disappointment and see where it goes. They’re definitely in the market to trade up. It’s just a question of this year or next. UPDATE: currently aggressively pursuing a new QB with no personal baggage whatsoever. UPDATE 4/29: Looks like the Panthers broke the bank on Darnold, and low third round pick Matt Corral is the best they can do. I guess this means one more year for Sammy to prove himself... UPDATE 7/6: I bet no one is happier to be out-bid than Carolina. After losing potentially the worst possible QB choice for the most exorbitant amount of money, Panthers lucked out and got a real QB, with an actual hope of playing this season. 

Seahawks- Russell Wilson wants out and he just had the worst season of his career. Green Bay got Rodgers to stay another year, so maybe Russell’s time in Seattle isn’t up. But it probably is. UPDATE: Who are these people who think they can build a team around Drew Lock? Hopefully he’s a solid backup to whoever they draft and not their hope for the future.

Vikings- Cousins is simultaneously a Pro Bowl caliber QB and kind of resoundingly middling. He’s a great guy to build a team around, but maybe it’s about time Minnesota stops trying to build a team and actually get one. Perhaps they’ll trade him to Tampa for a cadre of all stars who hopped on the now-departed Brady Train. UPDATE: Guess Kirk Cousins is too good to risk looking for someone else. One-year extension.

Dolphins- Turns out I completely forgot about the Dolphins. They signed Teddy Bridgewater to backup Tua.

BETTER GET A NEW QB

Broncos- Look, I love Teddy. He blew me away in his first start, and I’ve rooted for his success ever since. He’s just too injury-prone. There’s a good team buried somewhere in there, and maybe if the sale of the team goes through, they’ll finally put people in charge who don’t think Drew Lock is a good quarterback. UPDATE: Denver is hardly a prime spot for an aging QB looking to get back to the show. But maybe Russell Wilson can take them back to the promised land.

Colts- Any QB who can’t score 2 TDs on the Jags with the playoffs on the line needs to stop playing QB. Jonathan Taylor is a special kind of player, and he deserves a QB who can play to his level. I believe if the Rams had taken Wentz instead of Goff, Wentz would be a superstar. Sadly, too many years behind a weak Eagles O-Line took its toll on a once-great player, and now he’s just plain done. UPDATE: Indy is now Wentz-less, so anything can happen. 3/21- Matt Ryan is the latest late-stage career QB to try his hand at getting the Colts back to the show.

Lions- Speaking of Goff, just, no. Any team with him under center needs to be looking for a new QB. Letting Stafford go was a beautiful gesture to a loyal player. But in a way that can only happen to the Detroit Lions, they got virtually nothing in return. Can’t think of a better use for that second overall pick.

Saints- It still blows my mind that when faced with Brees’ retirement, New Orleans went all in on a guy who averages more INTs than TDs. Payton’s successor needs a real QB and Taysom just isn’t more than the most versatile #2 in the league. UPDATE: Saints are apparently looking to dump Winston for Watson. Guess they have a thing for a certain type of guy. 3/21- Whelp, I guess you like a certain kind of guy, you like a certain kind of guy. New Orleans failed to get the sexual predator they wanted, so they’re stuck with the sexual predator they had.

WILL ABSOLUTELY GET A NEW QB

Texans- You ain’t gonna get to the promised land with Davis fucking Mills. Tyrod’s great, but Tyrod was a last minute stop-gap when their all star decided to be a garbage pail of a human being. With plenty of lead time and a third overall draft pick, there is absolutely a hot rookie QB in their future.

Steelers and Buccaneers- After a pair of high profile retirements, these teams are in the same boat. Both have big shoes to fill. Neither have a backup that can fill them. Both are potential playoff teams. Either could conceivably attract Rodgers or Wilson. With all the movement likely this off-season, this is where all the excitement will be.

UPDATE (Bucs): Brady unretired. Color me not at all surprised.

UPDATE (Steelers): Apparently the best way to replace a franchise QB is with… Mitch Trubisky? My buddy who is a Steelers expert figures they see something in him, but I’m like, you mean like the Bears when they drafted him? UPDATE 4/28: Who knows what they would have done before Dwayne Haskins’ tragic death, but with the #20 overall pick, Steelers draft Kenny Pickett.