Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Them Crazy Veeps: 23-22

The Veeps are ranked and ready to go. Starting at the middle, as the green numbers get lower, the guys get better, but as the red numbers go down, we get into some crazy-ass mother-fuckers. (1 of 12)

#23 - Charles Warren Fairbanks (Senator, Republican-IN) 1905-1909 (1 full term) Pres: T. Roosevelt

I actually had to re-tool the list a bit to make sure Fairbanks ended up on the good side. He came into office ready, willing, and able to help a revolutionary president put forth an agenda of sweeping reform. By the end, Roosevelt was such a dick to him, he ended up siding against his president on trust busting, even trying to lead the Senate against him. In a last hard slap to the face, Roosevelt picked his drinking buddy Taft to succeed him instead of his own VP.

#22 - George Clinton (Governor, Democratic-Republican-NY) 1805-1812 (1 full term, died) Pres: Jefferson, Madison

With strong Republican views and extensive executive experience, George Clinton (not the P-Funk guy, the other one) would have made a strong president. That's the only reason he's as high as he is. He was not a good VP. He resented being second fiddle, and his style simply did not gel well with Senate procedures, making him pretty useless in that capacity. He hated the job so much, he resented being placed on Madison's ticket after serving a term under Jefferson. By casting the deciding vote to re-charter the Bank of the United States, he solidifed his place on the president's bad side. Luckily for Madison, Clinton died shortly before re-election.

#23 - Levi Parsons Morton (former Ambassador, Republican-NY) 1889-1893 (1 full term) Pres: B. Harrison

Not only did Morton openly oppose his president, he was a hindrance to the process. President Harrison tried to pass a bill enforcing voting rights for Southern blacks, Morton did nothing. Harrison, who put forth very few pieces of legislation during his term, blamed Morton's inaction for the bill's failure. Ironic, considering it was Morton who drove the first rivet on a statue whose base placard reads, "Give us your poor, your tired, your huddled masses..."

#22 - Henry Agard Wallace (Sec. of Agriculture, Democrat-IO) 1941-1945 (1 full term, dropped) Pres: F. D. Roosevelt

In 1940, FDR dropped VP Garner from the ticket, and for the first time in history, the president, not the party, chose his running mate. By 1944, Wallace had alienated basically everyone, including a few very well publicized feuds with some high ranking public officials. What tips him to the bad side, and what gets the ball rolling on some VP insanity, is his association with fringe Buddhist teacher, Nicholas Roerich, whom Wallace called "Guru." In a series of letters, Wallace revealed some pretty out there religious views that don't put him as out there as some others on this list, but makes one wonder what he would have done as president.

Coming Up: What's worse than a VP who died less than 2 years into his term?

Later: Whose VP spent his time in office drunkenly fighting off litigation, but still got re-elected?

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