Ladies Do Not Love Cool James

[originally written for overtimecomedy.com on 5/22/07]


The most uncool person to ever grace the rap world was arguably Coolio. His family-friendly brand of groove even landed him a guest spot on The Nanny as, you guessed it, a family-friendly rapper. When he won the MTV Video Music Award for Gangsta’s Paradise, he said in his acceptance speech something to the effect of, “I can’t believe I won. California Love, Crossroads, those were both solid videos, you know… oh and so was Doin’ It” That’s right, LL Cool J’s subtle masterpiece about love making wasn’t even cool enough for Coolio. I imagine in rap circles, LL Cool J’s pretty much just a joke

While NWA was rapping about rascism in the LAPD and Tupac was rapping about bringing the black community together, LL was just rapping about getting knocked out while boxing or something. Add to his ridiculous rap career roles in such bombs as Toys and Deep Blue Sea, and it’s hard to see why no one likes him.

Let’s give him some credit. He’s a pioneer. He mastered the combination of fluffy pop rap crap with lyrics that wildly demean women before the waves of the same we see today. His songs, though, are just eh, and I guess he was an ok underwear model. Everyone needs a fan club.