UFL Update: Welcome Virginia Destroyers

All the votes are in, and the good people of Virginia have finally picked a team name: Virginia Destroyers.

It was touch and go there for a while. The same good people actually considered naming the team the Hampton Roads Whatevers, instead of the Virginia Whatevers. I know they're aiming for small markets, but let's stick to small markets people have heard of. This will be the state of Virginia's first professional sports team, just let the whole state have it.


The runners up for the team name were just as bad: Tritons and Navigators. They had already leaked before the big announcement that Navigators had been eliminated, so as Virginians breathed a sigh of relief, I assume the majority of them worried their neighbors had actually voted for Tritons. For those of you uneducated folk who didn't just look this up like I did, Triton, son of the Greek god Poseidon, was the messenger of the sea who's known for blowing into his conch shell. Unless someone didn't get the memo, football fans don't want a team name they have to research to understand.

So here we have them, the Virginia Destroyers, named to invoke the nearby Norfolk Naval base. The logo's pretty cool too. The firing missiles kind of look like wings, but the wake forming a "V" is a nice touch. For those of you keeping score, that's now 2 out of 6, a full third of the UFL teams are named for military hardware. Say what you will about the military-industrial complex, but who would win in a fight, a Naval destroyer or a Mountain Lion or a Tusker (seriously, what the fuck?), or a bunch of Colonial people? Maybe next year we'll have a Nighthawks/Destroyers Championship, where we can finally figure out who's cooler, Air Force or Navy.

Virginia's new head coach will be Chairman of TD Ameritrade, Joe Moglia. Moglia was hand-picked by Destroyers' President, Joe Moglia. He's clearly qualified because almost 30 years ago, he was a defensive coordinator at Dartmouth, and now he's some sort of advisor to the Univesity of Nebraska's head coach. His business acumen clearly qualifies him for this position, the same way Meg Whitman's time at eBay totally prepared her to be governor. Thank you, Joe Moglia, for letting me get in one last Meg Whitman joke. Seriously, no one will ever hear from her again -- I hope.

Back on track, though, I can't figure out if this is Moglia's destiny or plain, old nepotism. Tuskers' owner, former NFL Pro Bowler Joe Theismann, has stated that he looks forward to a rivalry with Virginia. I dare say the team who was 6-0 last season and possibly on their way to their second UFL Championship will be an even rival to a Joe Moglia squad. I'm sure Moglia will have no problem out-thinking Locos' coach Jim Fassel, former NFL Coach of the Year, and the man credited for turning John Elway, Phil Simms, and Kerry Collins into superstars. He should have no problem out-maneuvering Mountain Lions' Denny Green, who took the Minnesota Vikings to a 15-1 record in 1998. Destroyers all the way!

All kidding aside, I'm sure Joe Moglia knows what he's doing, and if he's not working out, he'll be smart enough to remove himself. As much as the Joe vs. Joe, Virginia/Florida rivalry will be fun, Moglia has a lot more personally at stake against Omaha. A former Omaha native, he might actually have to find himself losing to his hometown team, in a stadium named for his own company. That's right, next year, the Nighthawks are moving to TD Ameritrade Park Omaha. If the league expands to 8 teams next year, I can only hope the other 2 new franchises are this ridiculous.