Sigh, I Ranked The Presidents

Any historian will tell you ranking the presidents is a self-defeating exercise. Benjamin Harrison was sort of middle of the road because that's exactly what the people wanted in 1888. Had war broken out, he might have been a brilliant Commander In Chief, but we'll never know. Being the devotee to lists that I am, the idea of doing my own ranking has always sort of sat in the back of my head. I refused to ever do it until I could come up with some fair criteria.

I) Try to Be Non-Partisan: The classic lists tend to be very liberal-leaning, putting FDR, Jackson, and Wilson way up there. Considering the very idea of liberalism is affecting change, it's easy to draw attention to them. Conservatives, though, would say FDR prolonged the Depression, Jackson de-stabilized the economy, and Wilson put too much government control over the economy. Personally, I'm more liberal leaning, so even though liberals overall place higher than conservatives, I gave some conservative presidents like Eisenhower and Harding more of a chance than other lists. Hell, I think Coolidge caused the Depression, but that's just my opinion, so I went easy on him.

II) Try to Balance Scandals: Credit Mobilier and Teapot Dome permanently tarnished Grant and Harding's reputations. Further investigation shows their direct involvement is sketchy at best. Both are mainly products of these presidents relative political inexperience and not the political poison some historians make them out to be. These scandals are obvious factors in the rankings, but not all scandals are equally destructive. Watergate, for example, completely undoes any good Nixon may have accomplished.

III) Try to Keep Things Limited: Adams spearheaded the Declaration of Independence. Madison brokered the Constitution. Van Buren founded modern political parties. Tyler supported the Confederacy. Grant won the Civil War. Hoover provided aid to the hungry in Belgium and the displaced on the Mississippi River. Carter builds houses for the poor. None of these actions, good nor bad, had any bearing on my list.

NOTE: More than anything, the headings denote big drops (eg- I think Johnson ranks high, but I want to make it clear I don't think he's great).

FUCKING SWEET
1. Abraham Lincoln
2. George Washington
3. Franklin Roosevelt
4. Thomas Jefferson
5. Theodore Roosevelt
6. Andrew Jackson
7. James K. Polk
8. William McKinley
9. Dwight Eisenhower
10. Woodrow Wilson
11. Harry Truman
12. James Monroe
PRETTY GOOD
13. Lyndon Johnson
14. Ronald Reagan
15. Calvin Coolidge
16. Barack Obama
17. John F. Kennedy
18. Grover Cleveland
19. George H. W. Bush
20. Rutherford Hayes
21. Bill Clinton
22. Ulysses S. Grant
KINDA EH
23. James Madison
24. William Taft
25. Benjamin Harrison
26. Chester Arthur
27. John Quincy Adams
28. John Tyler
29. James Garfield
30. Martin Van Buren
31. John Adams
32. William Henry Harrison
PRETTY BAD
33. Gerald Rudolph Ford
34. Zachary Taylor
35. Jimmy Carter
36. Herbert Hoover
37. Warren Harding
38. Millard Fillmore
MISERABLE FUCK UP WHOSE ACTIONS AS PRESIDENT (A) CHEAPENED THE OFFICE, (B) KILLED THE PUBLIC'S FAITH IN THEIR PUBLIC SERVANTS, (C) WIDENED THE GAP BETWEEN THE GOVERNMENT AND THE PEOPLE, (D) AND/OR WENT BEYOND SUPPORTING SLAVERY TO THE POINT OF OPENLY ADVANCING THE CAUSE OF SUBJUGATING BLACK AMERICANS
39. George W. Bush (A-C, D?)
40. Richard Nixon (A-C)
41. Franklin Pierce (A, C, D)
42. Andrew Johnson (A-D)
43. James Buchanan (A-D)