September Howard Taft, President of the United States

The man was so fat even his birthday takes up the entire month. No room in September for anyone but good ole President

William Howard Taft: The seventh inning stretch was created because President Fatty couldn't sit for nine innings. Weighing in at 332 pounds, President Lard Ass got stuck in the White House tub first time he used it. They had to order a newer bigger one just for him.

But I kid. He was such a loveable guy. He was the only president to also serve as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. He owned the last presidential cow and the first presidential automobile. He holds the honorable distinction of being the first major political figure to throw out the first pitch at a baseball game. Don't you just wish he was your uncle?